Hello, Ricky and I wanted to share an update as to where we are in the process. I will warn you that I am writing this through tear filled eyes, so it is disappointing news. We had an ultrasound and labs last Friday and were told that things looked OK but that my estrogen level was very high. They were going to have me stay taking the low dose estrogen only 2 times per day and not increase the dose as planned to three times a day and I was thrilled! No noon estrogen. Today was going to be our last ultrasound and labs before the scheduled transfer. It was scheduled for Wednesday January 14, 2015 at 11 AM. I had my labs and then went into the exam room for the ultrasound. Dr. Shanti walked in the room and told me she didn’t like how high my estrogen level was and that we may need to, and most likely would need to start my hormone cycle over. They were not as happy with how the ultrasound looked, but they got us ready for the IM injections that would have started on Friday and went over the details of the transfer just in case. They told us they would call when they had the labs results and had a chance to look everything ever. They called this afternoon and told us my estrogen level was essentially unchanged from Friday and that we do need to start over with the hormone cycle. We are of course, devastated.

So what does this mean? It means starting over. I need to get my period (I hope this isn’t too much information, but it is difficult to explain the timeline without it) and call fertility clinic. They will give me a new calendar that includes 21 days of birth control starting from the beginning with my subq Lupron and labs and ultrasounds. The cycle is approximately 2 months long.

Many tears have been shed today. We felt completely unprepared for this result. We had every expectation walking into the clinic this morning that we were having our last routine ultrasound before the transfer. I have had time to process this and I feel somewhat blessed that I didn’t know there might have been a problem on Friday since I would have worried about it and thought about it until the appointment today.

We feel blessed that our doctor wants to give us the best change for success and is not wiling to proceed with the transfer if conditions are not the best we can possibly make it. She told us this morning that there goal is to get us pregnant and that they share in our disappointment. Ricky and I feel loss and are recovering from the surprise news that we need to start the hormone cycle over. We know that God is sovereign and has a plan for our lives. We know He loves us and loves these babies. We feel grief now instead of excitement. We had so much anticipation and joy for next week. I was counting down the days until the transfer. Now we have to wait to be able to count down months, then weeks, then days.

The second time will feel different, more cautious and guarded after disappointment this time. Throughout the day I have felt waves of sadness and have shed many tears. We are comforted that the doctor has wisdom and is striving with us to give us a family.

Thank you all very much for your love, prayers and support. We will continue to give you updates as we move forward in this new hormone cycle and as we get a new transfer date.