Yesterday morning at 7 AM I had my blood drawn for our beta pregnancy test (serum HCG) as well as estradiol and progesterone.I’m sure you have all had phone calls where you know the outcome before someone tells you because of their tone or how they start the conversation. The phone call yesterday at noon was no exception! I knew right away what the result was going to be, not pregnant. The nurse went on to share that my HCG level was less than 1 and we are not pregnant. She told us she had our other lab results but at this point they were irrelevant. I wrote down the lab level while she was talking. I’m not sure why? But I did. I felt stunned, a minute or two before I got the call Ricky had texted me that he had arrived for lunch. We had made plans to have lunch to try to get the news together. Seconds after I hung up the phone he was standing standing in front of me. We are grieving, this is loss for us. We very much want to be parents and for 10 days thought we were pregnant. Ricky talked to the babies at least once if not twice a day everyday. I had my ups and downs with emotions and the hormones but for the most part we were walking in faith believing we were pregnant. We prayed several times a day together, out loud for the babies to grow and be healthy full term babies.

We started sharing the news yesterday that we were not pregnant. A good friend of ours shared with Ricky that the best analogy for these situations is planning for graduation day and then being told you have to go back to freshman year! No matter what the next steps are we are starting over. We are going to take some time to grieve and have decided our next step for now is meeting with our fertility doctor. I do not (we do not) want to continue to try to have a family through embryo adoption if our doctor does not think she can get us pregnant.

We are so blessed to have so many people supporting us, loving us, taking this journey with us, praying for us and our future children. Thank you! I have been reminded lately of the verse in 1 Samuel 1:27 - For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him. I believe that Ricky and I will be able to say that someday. It may a while before there are anymore updates to share since Ricky and I are allowing ourselves time to grieve before making a decision about next steps.